Hello and welcome to my MAIL ORDER BRIDES page. On this page I will include the equivalent of several individual blog posts. In this way you’ll be able to read all I have to write about the topic without having to bounce from post to post. But before I get started it will be beneficial if you review what I’ve previously written on this topic. It’ll give you a “heads-up” on where I’m coming from. You can read it by reading my The Russian “Mail Order Bride” Myth post in the Myths category.
I will add content to this page in a serial fashion. Each addition will be clearly titled, dated and delineated from previous sections by content dividers. The content dividers I’ve chosen to use will be photos of Russian churches. The first one is shown below after which is PART 1 of the series. I have a purpose for using this particular method to delineate posts. I’ll reveal my purpose at the end of the last post in the series.
Unfortunately, using the page format to present content does not provide for readers to submit comments about the added content. However, each addition to this page will be announced by a regular blog post. Readers are invited to submit comments on that post or on the above linked to original “Russian Mail Order Bride” post in the ”Myths” category.
O.K.. so without further adieu, ”let’s get ready to rumble” or in a more up to date idiom, “let’s get it on” or even better “git er done”.
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MAIL ORDER BRIDES
PART 1
Posted by Gary - November, 12, 2010
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The term “Mail Order Bride” has in recent decades come to embody a connotation which is demeaning, degrading and insulting to all foreign women who are sought for by, or are seeking marriage to, a prospective husband outside their own country. These negative implications contribute to husbands having false expectations of their foreign brides, and greatly inhibit the cross-cultural adaptations required to build a successful marriage between people of different backgrounds. Commercialization of the phrase and particularly of its negative aspects has magnified the problem.
Only by describing the truth about the women subject to the term “mail order bride” can attitudes and behaviors be changed leading to happier and more fulfilling outcomes for all concerned, husbands, wives and communities at large.
The term “mail order bride” actually represents a type of arranged marriage. In a classical arranged marriage, the parents, guardians, social or religious leaders search for ideal candidates. They then arrange with the prospective bride and groom’s families for a marriage to take place. The search criteria can be based on various factors, singly or in combination, including religious, financial, political, or social ideals in addition to their own perspective of the presumed compatibility of the couple-to-be. Such an arranged marriage can be contracted even before the birth of the individuals involved although arrangements most often occur in modern times once two people have come of age.
Thus in an arranged marriage, the man and woman may not meet, until as late as their appearance at the altar. This is not in the style of boy meets girl, girl likes boy, they date, fall in love, marry, and live happily ever after as we westerners idealize the way life should be.
The “mail order bride” process is similar to an arranged marriage except that the man and woman initiate and conduct the process to marry for themselves, rather than being “picked” for each other by third parties. Third parties do participate today, but only to the extent that they aggregate contact information for couples to use for connecting. The third party can be one of several forms including pen-pal clubs, fee-based dating clubs or fee-based “introduction” agencies.
In times past couples were limited to communicating by letter with a round-trip correspondence sometimes requiring months to complete. Today prospective couples may communicate by letter, or almost instantly by e-mail, telephone or even video chat. As their long distance relationship matures, if they decide to pursue it to engagement or marriage, then the man must, by law, travel to her country to meet and spend time with her. I say “by law” because she will not be allowed to enter the United States without proof of the couple actually having met and that there exists a genuine intent from both parties to create a long term marriage relationship with each other.
Please take note that what I’ve described here are PROCESSES which are used to find and marry a life partner. It has nothing to do with the character or personality of the individuals involved.
I conducted lots of research to enhance what I already know about the topic of mail order brides. In doing that I came across many fine scholarly articles written by PHDs, educators and professionals in various disciplines including social sciences, anthropology, history, and civics. It’s not my purpose to create here such a work of scholarship or literary perfection. Rather, I’m going to present the facts as I’ve learned and experienced them; presenting my opinions from an educated perspective. Where facts are stated, I’ll provide my sources. Where I state my opinion, I’ll tell you so. I’ll provide resources for those readers wanting to study the topic on their own.
Mail order brides can be found in virtually every country on earth (including the United States). However these days we think of them as being primarily from the Philippines, Thailand, Argentina, Columbia, Mexico, India, and of course, the Russian Federation and Ukraine.
I’m not going to write about the mail order brides of all these countries. I don’t know the women and I don’t know the cultures. But my wife, Alla, who is from Ukraine, is a Russian woman who was born in Russia and raised in Siberia. Thus, I know a little about Russian women and Russian culture. So when it comes to writing about current day mail order bride issues, “Russian mail order brides” will be the focus of my writing.
I will write about the history, both ancient and modern, of arranged marriages and earliest references to mail order brides in American history. I’ll follow that with a discussion of positive impacts of the mail order bride as an accepted social phenomenon. I’ll do my best to identify when, where, and how the term “mail order bride” became so derisive. From there I’ll jump to the current day and application of this now derogatory term to Russian women. I’ll contrast the perceptions versus the realities, and discuss the on-going damages of this derisive thinking in the present day. I’ll also recommend resources for learning how to relate to Russian women from a much more enlightened and fulfilling perspective.
Finally, at the very end of my writing about Russian mail order brides, I’ll reveal why I used photos of Russian churches as content start points on this page.
So I close for now. I’m working on Part 2 of this page and will post it soon. Thanks for reading and I wish you the Best. Gary.
SOURCES and RESOURCES
http://www.slideshare.net/jyhad26/internet-mail-order-brides-from-russia
Some interesting tidbits and perspectives presented as the commentary to a slide show. Not a huge source but useful all the same.
http://www.uscis.gov/files/article/MobRept_AppendixA.pdf
An interesting and scholarly article authored for USCIS. Somewhat dated but with lots of relevant facts and statistics.
http://www.newworldencyclopedia.org/entry/Arranged_marriage
A well written, extensive article about arranged marriage.
http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Mail-order_bride&oldid=50355242
An old version of a Wikipedia article about “mail order brides”. To me, this Wikipedia article is much preferred to what is currently online. The current version describes the
introduction agency business and is somewhat self-serving.
My opinion.
Technorati: mail order bride Russian mail order bride arranged marriage Russian women USCIS
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MAIL ORDER BRIDES
PART 2
Posted by Gary - November, 22, 2010
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Hello and welcome to Part 2 of my Mail Order Brides page. With part 1 being mostly an introduction to the topic, here in part 2 I’ll get into the “meat” of the topic and its associated issues. In a bit I’ll lay out some history. First though, let’s get some terms understood.
There’s “mail order” (buying things by mail from a catalog), and there are “mail brides” (women who become married by the process of correspondence). But not for over 100 years has there been such a thing as a “mail order bride”. You can buy practically anything from a catalog. But you can’t buy a woman from a catalog. Period. You can view her photo and profile in a catalog and correspond with her if she chooses to allow it. But you can’t buy her.
But unfortunately the erroneous term is with us apparently to stay. The term “mail bride” was searched for globally on Google 720 times in 1 month. And the erroneous term “mail order bride” was searched for 60,500 times in that same month. So we’re kind of stuck with that term and rather than confuse the issue, or kid myself into thinking that on this page I can change a cultural meme, I’ll continue using “mail order bride” throughout the remainder of my writing here. However, please allow that wherever I use it, my intent is to illustrate derogation.
In Part 1 I wrote that a mail order bride represented a form of arranged marriage. Just how long the marriage by correspondence form of arranged marriage has been used by mankind is not known for certain. But arranged marriage itself, in its primary forms, has been with us for a VERY long time.
Although there may be earlier references in ancient literature, the oldest reference I personally located is in the Bible, Book of Genesis, chapter 24 verse 4 which states as Abraham speaks to his trusted servant “But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.” (KJV). As the Bible recounts the story, he didn’t seem to stress or waver over taking this action, being concerned only that Isaac should not marry a woman from Canaan where they lived. Abraham is believed by scholars to have lived around 2000 to 1900 B.C.. So we’re talking about a minimum 4000 years of arranged marriage as a process to accomplish marriage.
And we know that it persisted as a social norm well past ancient times into medieval Europe and is still with us in the present. The growing influence of religion changed marriage processes throughout European history, but arranged marriages persisted taking several different forms.
Referring again to Genesis 24, note in verse 58 the actions of Rebekah’s family as Abraham’s servant is waiting to take her to Isaac. “And they called Rebekah and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.” (KJV). So Rebekah was given a choice. Many arranged marriages follow that model of choice. But many others do not and follow a model of forced marriage especially when issues of sovereign power or political benefit are at stake. Here is one notable example from history. And it happens to be very relevant to any discussion having to do with Russian women.
A certain German woman, Sophie Friederike Auguste, was born in Stettin, Pomerania, Germany on May 2, 1729. Choosing Sophie to be the wife of tsar-to-be Peter III was the work of diplomatic manipulations by the ruling Russian Empress, Elizabeth, and Frederick II of Prussia. They wanted to strengthen the friendship between Prussia and Russia in order to weaken Austria’s influence. Slightly more than a year before her marriage Sophie was officially received into the Russian Orthodox Church and given the name Catherine. Following, but not specifically related to that event, the long planned dynastic marriage finally occurred on August 21, 1745 in Saint Petersburg shortly after Sophie had turned 16.
In 1762 she succeeded her husband Peter III to the throne of Russia and ruled until her death in 1796. She is known in history as “Catherine The Great”, one of Russia’s more notable rulers.
Interestingly, Sophie was born just 4 years after the death of Peter The Great. During his reign as ruler of Russia he sought to eliminate arranged marriages which were common among the Russian nobility during his time . His attempted reform was probably because his first marriage, arranged by his mother, failed miserably.
Think about it. Had Peter The Great’s reforms been successful, Sophie the German woman would not have become Catherine The Great, Empress of Russia. Russia would have been denied a significant monarch, and history would have taken a different course.
(I note here that not all Russians agree that Catherine The Great was really so “great”. But in defense of her accomplishments, it’s a fact that she impacted world history including assisting America during the Revolutionary War.)
And in 1619, several decades BEFORE all the Russian nation building and monarch driven modernizing of Peter and Catherine took place, the first “mail order brides” set foot on American soil at Jamestown, Virginia.
Whoa - - There was no mail order in 1619, let alone “mail order brides”. But yet we have someone branding women arriving from England in 1619 as “mail order brides”. There’s an article written in 2006 titled “Mail Order Brides in Jamestown”. You can read it for yourself. There’s a link below for suite101.com.
Here are the facts:
A large number (147 to be exact) of young, single, marriage desiring women from London arrived in Jamestown, Virginia between 1619 and 1621. They arrived in America as the result of letters written by the Virginia Company to their agents in London to send to Jamestown young, single women of “good character” to marry. The goal was to “bond men to the land” through the process of building homes and families.
When these women left England, they knew not who was awaiting them. They had not corresponded with a man in America. Neither had the men corresponded with the women. Even so, it’s reported that marriages were taking place even before the boats that brought them had restocked and left harbor to return to England. But that doesn’t make these women “mail order brides”, especially with the connotation implied by the term in 2006.
How then did this degrading title get pasted on them? Giving space to the article’s author, sources are listed at the end of the article and possibly her sources used the term. It’s possible also that she jumped on a hot Google keyword to improve the chance of her article being found in searches. Hey, I can’t blame her for that. I do that too, and that’s how I found her article. Now I’m not singling out this author for inappropriate use of “the” term. I’m only citing an example. The facts are that I’ve come across no less than 3 other places on the Internet where the women arriving in Jamestown are referred to as “mail order brides”.
However this happens, it illustrates a big problem in that the term “mail order bride” has become like a meme and can be easily high jacked to suit anyone’s personal agenda. I’ll explore that topic more in depth later.
But for now, let’s continue just briefly, with more history of mail order brides in America.
The shortage of women in Jamestown was a situation that was to occur frequently during the settlement of America. It was a big country, wild, often unyielding, and full of geographic hazards like huge rivers, mountain ranges, and deserts. And too, there were the human hazards represented by the indigenous people, the often warlike American Indians, protecting their hunting grounds and sacred territories.
For the most part it was men that pushed forward to subdue the land. And once a new piece of territory was carved out, the same old problem arose - - there were not enough women. The women stayed in the East or even as far away as “the old country” in Europe. So men wrote letters asking their friends and family back home to help them connect with suitable women to join them. From this came directly arranged marriages where parents and other go-betweens would locate prospective brides for the men on the frontier. And also what came of this were connections and correspondence between a man and a woman whereby they mutually agreed for her to join him in marriage on the American frontier.
As the country grew from exploration and westward expansion the whole process of imbalance and adjustment escalated, particularly during the periods of the California gold rush and post-civil war. During these periods, both men in the West (where there was a shortage of women) and women in the East (where there was a shortage of men) began placing ads in newspapers (such as in San Francisco based Matrimonial News) soliciting prospective mates. People would answer the ads, correspond, meet and get married. Were the women that married this way M.O.B.’s (mail order brides)? No! They were M.C.B.’s (mail correspondence brides). And note that these were not necessarily foreign women. Sure the man and woman might have been separated by an ocean and a continent. But It was just as possible that they could have been living within a block of each other. But the men/women imbalances were in fact settled partially by an influx of foreign women.
Another such influx occurred in the early 1900’s with the advent of “picture brides” for Japanese and Korean men who had been imported as laborers to Hawaii and the West coast. This is probably the earliest form of “bride catalog”. A portfolio of brief bio’s with photos was offered to these men, or their representatives (e.g. parents) to choose women to join them in America. The catalogs would be scanned, selections made, and after a dowry payment, her parents would send her to America for marriage.
Ah, ha, The plot thickens. Women are being selected and bought from a catalog. That’s a “MAIL ORDER BRIDE” in the true sense of the term. But there’s more to this story including not only the purchase of brides but also how today a mail order bride is understood to be a meek, submissive plaything. I’ll go into those issues of mail order brides in part 3 of my report.
Until then, do peruse the links below. Some stuff in them will “blow your mind”, or at least “tickle your imagination”.
My Best to you. Gary.
p.s. Part 3 is underway and will be posted soon.
SOURCES and RESOURCES
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catherine_II_of_Russia
Article about Catherine the Great
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_the_Great
Article about Peter the Great
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage
Lengthy discussion about arranged marriages with links to specific cultural sources
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mail_order
Article about the history of the mail order industry ascribing the first mail order catalog to Ben Franklin in 1744.
http://www.suite101.com/content/womentojamestown-a384
Article referenced above wherein women from England are described as “mail order brides”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picture_bride
Article providing an overview of the “picture bride” process.
The links for the following 2 sources are huge (5 lines long) so I haven’t included them. You can read them online though if you Google “picture brides” + dowry (include the quotes in the search phrase).
- - The Ilse: first-generation Korean immigrants in Hawaii, 1903-1973 By Wayne Patterson
- - Asian Americans: contemporary trends and issues by Pyong Gap Min
The above 2 references, and particularly the first, give an in-depth view of the “picture bride” process.
technorati: mail order bride picture bride Russian women arranged marriage Catherine the Great Peter the Great Jamestown, Virginia American frontier
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MAIL ORDER BRIDES
Part 3
posted by Gary December 1, 2010
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Hello from Gary and welcome to part 3 of my “Mail Order Brides” article.In part 2 I wrote about some history of arranged marriages and did something of a fast-forward to the beginning of the 20th century and the advent of “picture brides”.
The picture bride phenomenon, where a woman could be selected and purchased from a catalog, essentially ended in 1924 with passage of immigration reform laws that restricted the ability of Asian women, particularly Japanese women, to enter the United States. But the whole picture bride concept spawned a business model whose implications are still expanding today.
Entrepreneurs jumped on the idea of bride catalogs and refined it. Even with the picture bride catalogs, the agent providing the catalog was paid a commission for the Japanese or Korean bride provided for the immigrant worker. After the 1924 immigration reform, the catalog offerings expanded to include women of other nationalities. And even though the practice of outright purchase of a bride thankfully ended, the catalogs provided connectivity with foreign women and commissions were earned either by sale of the catalog itself, or as we see today, by selling the contact information for foreign women.
Obviously, the initial catalogs were produced on paper and for a man to receive one took some time. There wasn’t even airmail when this first started. But advances in communications and transportation technologies changed things dramatically. And today we have the Internet and new information is available instantly. The catalogs are online and the agencies that provide them get their “contact” and “services” fees, also instantly.
But some things have not changed. The original picture bride catalogs were specifically for Japanese and Korean women. Expansion of the concept to other nationalities still focused predominantly on Asian women, be they from Thailand, the Philippines, China, or elsewhere in Asia. In promoting the sale of these catalogs, the women were characterized as being meek, subservient, submissive, and dutiful. As well, they were advertised to have strong family values and as being sexually responsive and compliant.
WOW! What a package. A meek, submissive, subservient, family oriented, woman who is sexually responsive and compliant. Couple that with Western men’s fascination with the “oriental mystique” of the almond eyed, dainty, ultra-feminine female and you have a recipe for “send me your catalog NOW”.
How did these characterizations come into being? Well, that’s something of a mystery. Perhaps these notions are leftovers from Marco Polo’s trip to the Orient. Or perhaps they are outgrowths of the ancient Chinese “foot binding” custom. I don’t know Asian culture and whether women in the Orient are truly thought of this way. Hopefully they are not. But it made good advertising copy and paired with the notion that purchase of one of these women was available by mail, it sold catalogs. Of course the realities were totally different but the male consumer only learned about those realities late in the game when he was already “hooked”.
As time marched on through the 1930’s to the 1980’s the catalogs became more sophisticated with full color graphics and subscription based distribution. But the basic theme from the picture bride era persisted - - through a catalog one could buy a submissive, loyal, family oriented, sexually responsive and compliant woman.
Through the 1980’s there was still a focus primarily on Asian women. And then 2 things happened almost simultaneously. First, In 1991 the USSR imploded. It broke up into multiple independent nations with resultant major changes in people’s ability to live by personal choice instead of by state mandate.
And secondly, around the same time as the Soviet breakup, the Internet was expanding rapidly and becoming accepted and used by the general public as a standard method of information exchange. All of a sudden we have instant online communications facilitating a huge new pool of women seeking, for various reasons, to connect with foreign men for marriage.
And the “Mail Order Bride” business model was there to fill the bill. Enter the “Russian Mail Order Bride”.
Literally hundreds of web sites have popped up, each promoting their special list of Russian beauties. Not all of them promote their women as “picture brides” in the original sense of the term. But some do.
And the fact is that because “mail order bride” has become a meme through decades of advertising, any foreign woman who posts her photo and biographical data in a catalog is stereotypically labeled as a “mail order bride” complete with the term’s demeaning and degrading implications.
There are several issues with the implications of the term “Mail Order Bride”. In the first place they create feelings of resentment and insult in the women subject to the term. And too, in my opinion, they are a primary source of the many scams that take place. And even worse, they create false expectations for men seeking to marry foreign women. I’ll explore these issues more fully and wrap up this article in Part 4. In that part, I’ll also reveal the Russian church content divider mystery.
Until then, thanks for visiting and reading what I’ve written about this very important topic.
SOURCES and RESOURCES
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_binding
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meme
Technorati: picture bride mail order bride Russian mail order bride meme USSR Asian women
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MAIL ORDER BRIDES
Part 4
posted by Gary December 18, 2010
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Hello from Gary and welcome to part 4, the final part, of my “Mail Order Brides” article.
We’ve covered a lot of territory in discovering the story about the all too commonly used term “mail order bride”. We’ve come all the way from arranged marriages in the story of Abraham in the book of Genesis to the advent of the “Russian mail order bride” following the breakup of the USSR. In between we explored historically significant arranged marriages, and mail brides in the settlement of America. It was while exploring American history that we discovered the true origin of “mail order brides,” namely that they were women purchased from a catalog in the early 1900’s for marriage as “picture brides” to Japanese and Korean laborers.
From that inception the term has evolved to be more inclusive of nationality, more alluring in description, and generally more appealing to a broad spectrum of men. And the evolution has occurred without the term losing its original stigma, e.g. that of purchasing a woman from a catalog. Thus, devious stereotyping and skillful marketing have resulted in a term easily manipulated to suit various agendas be they feminist, profit seeking, political, etc..
So what do we have today? What is the perception of today’s “mail order bride”? One way to find out is to study what people search for on the Internet. Using the Google keyword tool, following are 1 month search volumes for various searches performed:
mail order bride - - 60,500
Russian mail order bride - - 27,100
Russian mail order bride prices - - 1600
Russian brides for sale - - 3600
submissive women - - 18,100
submissive Russian - - 260
Russian sex slave - - 720
cost of mail order bride - - 2400
On Yahoo Answers, using a search term of “mail order bride”, following are paraphrased questions from the first 2 pages of 1806 search items returned:
- What’s the cheapest mail order bride?
- How to order an Asian mail order bride?
- What service lets me pick a woman from a catalog and she’s mine?
Again on Yahoo Answers, narrowing the search to “Russian mail order bride”, 246 items were returned. Six of them on the first 2 pages asked “How much is a Russian mail order bride?”. And sadly, 1 guy actually paid an agency for a mail order bride and is trying to find out when to expect her arrival. The agency reports to him that all the paperwork takes time. Ha! His money has gone to Hell. But not to worry - - with his attitude of having purchased a woman, he’ll no doubt be re-united with his money.
Looking at all this info, it’s clear that there is a belief that a woman can be purchased from a catalog. But those believers are in the minority by a large margin. And therefore most men realize when using the catalogs that they are using an introductory/connection tool. But here’s where things get “dicey”.
After paying agency fees, travel and gift expenses, legal and visa fees, a man can end up spending quite a few thousand dollars before his Russian fiance is with him in America. Some men feel as though they have in fact purchased this woman. They adopt an expectation of gratitude for having spent all that money and “rescuing” the lady from her poor conditions. Using the threat of deportation, some men attempt to actualize all the negative “features” of the m.o.b. term. They demand subservience, obedience, submissiveness, meekness and sexual compliance.
These are the same guys that can’t get dates in America because they can’t find women that will go “dutch treat” and pay their own way. It’s these same guys that keep getting tossed by American women because the women can’t stand being around a “control freak”.
For this kind of guy, the idea of a mail order bride is a dream come true. And perhaps it is depending on the nationality and particulars of the woman he selects. But there’s a 99.99% chance that if he selects a Russian woman, his warped “control freak” dream will turn into a nightmare.
Here are some realities about Russian women contrasted with the mail order bride stereotype.
A. Myth - An m.o.b. can be bought.
a. Reality - In the first place, buying a woman is blatantly illegal. Beyond that, the attitude of having a Russian woman “bought and paid for” truly infuriates Russian women. They don’t relate to all the subtleties of the m.o.b. term and its usage. But they do know what mail order is. And they resent being regarded as purchasable. To them a woman you can buy is called a prostitute. Any woman on the planet will get very indignant at being regarded as a prostitute, unless of course she is a prostitute. But to be regarded as such just because she posts photos and a bio on a bridal catalog is a major insult.
In my opinion, this sleazy label is a major cause for a lot of the mail order bride scams that are run. I think the insult cuts so deeply that some Russian women take the attitude “O.K. Mr. Rich Man, you think you can buy me, then pay up and see how much you get.” In other words, the “darkness” of the term sets loose the dark channels of some people’s nature. Just my opinion, but I know the insult and resentment is felt for real.
B. Myth - An m.o.b. is meek, subservient, submissive, and obedient.
b. Reality - Russian women laugh at this. Life has always been harsh in Russia. It still is today even in such rich cities as Moscow and St. Petersburg. People with personal characteristics as specified in the myth don’t survive. And let me tell you from personal knowledge, Russians are survivors. These people are resolute, resourceful, and resilient.
Let’s analyze the myth’s descriptions - - meek and subservient - - If you find a Russian woman who defers to you meekly and subserviently, hang up the phone Dude. She’s scamming you. Russian women take pride in their personal strength, their ability to negotiate the realities of life, always holding their heads up.
And submissive, obedient - - These women are obedient to their nature. They submit to their God-Given purposes in life. They love being women and performing their role in life as women. They have no interest in competing with men on a real world basis. They expect men to be manly, to fulfill time-honored manly roles, namely, to perform as provider and protector. In return, she will fulfill her role as the nurturer, mother, wife, lover and partner in life.
C. Myth - - An m.o.b. has great family values.
c. Reality - - Ah, finally we got one right. But unfortunately it’s understated. Russian women are unswervingly passionate about family. This is something so deeply, culturally ingrained in them that Western men will have difficulty comprehending its significance. We, in the West, say that we cherish family values, the closeness, the kinship, the inter-generational sharing. But we have only a smidgeon of understanding about family values compared to Russian culture.
So I recommend this to men looking for a Russian wife. As with many other things in life, be careful what you ask for. Understand that your understanding of family values is not the same as your Russian bride’s rock-solid requirements of family values. When she left Russia to be with you in America, she left behind family members, be they parents, siblings, children or others. But in her mind, she has not left them behind. She has only become separated from them by an airplane flight. You WILL be asked to provide that connecting airline flight for her to be with her family in Russia. And yet all the while, as she is in Russia, if she has family in America, she will maintain her support and presence there too. Russian women have a seemingly infinite capacity for family. You’ll be challenged by it. Accept it. Rejoice in it. It’s a blessing. To better understand the topic of Russian Women’s Family Values, read this post on our blog:
Mother Russia - Russian Women’s Family Values
And always remember, as I’ve written before on this blog, “you can take a woman out of Russia, but you can’t take Russia out of the woman.”
So this concludes my article about “mail order brides”. I’ve enjoyed writing about this though at times it’s been challenging to maintain focus and continuity on a subject so loaded with politics and innuendo.
I hope what I’ve put forward has contributed in some way to adding clarity to what really is a “RUSSIAN MAIL ORDER BRIDE.”
And I hope too that none of what I’ve written deters you from getting involved with one of these women. My intention is quite the contrary and is meant rather, as encouragement.
Just have a clear and realistic understanding of who you’re dealing with.
The best way to meet one of these women is through an international marriage agency. Just make certain you use an agency that does NOT promote “mail order brides.”
We have identified and studied at length two trustable agencies that we recommend for locating a foreign bride.
For each of them you can go to their home page here:
A Foreign Affair Home Page our 5 star rated agency and
Elenas Models home page which we rate at 4.5 stars.
And for A Foreign Affair, here are some Russian NON Mail Order Bride women - -
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And now, as promised, I’ll tell why I used photos of Russian churches to delineate the content of this article.
It’s really a very simple concept. We in the West have been taught over several decades that Russia is a “Godless country.” Her leaders did in fact declare that there was no need for God since only the “party” was needed as a belief system.
Their decree was in fact effective in that Russian people stopped attending church out of fear of being turned in as anti-party, making them subject to deportation to labor camps or worse.
But something else happened. Russian people refused to have God stripped from their lives. If a couple wanted to marry in the church, they did so, at 2:00 a.m. in private. If people felt the need to commune with God in the church, they did so, at 3:00 a.m. in private.
God was not to be mandated or legislated out of people’s lives. But a people who had been used to regular church attendance in large numbers were suddenly forbidden to do so. Still, God remained in their hearts and in their homes.
And throughout Russia today, and in Ukraine where I traveled, there are churches and cathedrals everywhere. Many are found in each city as they are too in each small town or settlement.
In fact, Alla has told me that the first building to be erected in the beginning of a new town in Russia was always a church. Picture this in contrast to the American West where a new town was founded around a saloon and a general store.
So here’s the point. If you’ve heard or have a belief that Russia is a Godless country, then do some study to learn the facts. Understand that Russian culture is deeply rooted in religion. So make sure that your beliefs and expectation are based on fact and not on media based hype. And while you’re at it, come to grips with the evil term “Russian Mail Order Bride”. Don’t use it. Recognize it as a derogation of Russian womanhood. It’s an insult to the personal, spiritual and cultural integrity of some truly amazing women.
Thanks for reading, and Good Luck to you.
Gary.
SOURCES and RESOURCES
http://nursing322fall09.wordpress.com/a-journey-through-the-russian-culture/
A brief overview of Russian culture for medical students. A quick read, mostly correct but with a couple of glitches and omissions.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_culture
A well structured, comprehensive description of Russian culture. Very informative.
http://russianwomentruth.com/why-feminism-promotes-%e2%80%9cmail-order-brides%e2%80%9d/
I’m not the only man ranting about the vile nature of the m.o.b. term. Here’s another American, who lives in Russia, citing his perspectives on the issue.
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